Behaviour isn’t white or black: here’s why

We’re all guilty of forming opinions about people in mere seconds—and that’s natural as well.

It could be something as simple as witnessing a public hug or seeing a woman in a backless dress. Alternatively, it might be something more serious, such as hearing about someone who slapped their parent. Instantly, our minds begin to categorize these actions as “wrong” or “unacceptable.”

But let me ask you this: What if there is more to it?

After years of working as a psychologist and sitting across from individuals burdened by their personal narratives, I have come to understand that there is seldom a distinct boundary between thought and behavior. What we frequently overlook is the context—the true story behind our judgments.

Here’s something I always keep in mind, and you may find it useful as well:

Before labeling a behavior, ask these five questions:

Who is doing it? What are they doing? Where is it happening? When did it happen? And how is it being done?

These five parameters—who, what, where, when, and how—can change everything.

Let’s say you hear this sentence: A teenage boy slapped his father.

Your first thought might be, So morally wrong! What kind of son is he? would probably judge his character based on this.

Then you get to know that the boy grew up in a home where his father repeatedly abused his mother. One day, he witnesses the violence again, and out of sheer helplessness, he intervenes. In that moment, he does what he believes might stop it—he raises his hand.

Same action. But the moment you understand the “why,” everything changes, doesn't it?

It is no longer merely about the slap.

It’s about years of pain, fear, and protection.

It is about context.

That’s why I believe we need to stop simplifying behaviors into “good” or “bad.”

Those words don’t do justice to the complexity of human experiences.

Instead, consider replacing them with “appropriate” or “inappropriate.”

This way, you’re not passing moral judgment—you’re assessing whether the behavior fits the situation.

The truth is, most behaviors can’t be understood in isolation; they are connected to circumstances, emotions, and lived experiences. Therefore, before jumping to conclusions, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself these five questions and dig a little deeper.

Because behind every action lies a story, and sometimes understanding that story is all it takes to change our perspective.